I've officially left my job and moving on to the next phrase of my life.
Very misty and uncertain as well.
But im all set for success this time, working abroad shouldnt be a dream.
Even if i couldnt due to unforeseen circumstances.
I gotta make sure im doing what i adore with the remaining youth.
This full year of working and travelling had definately widens my mind.
I am a lot more tolerant to people around me especially the foreigners.
Im a foreigner myself when im travelling, its really nice when the locals
there smile at you or say a simple hello.

It warms you up immediately.
People were patience despite communication barriers.
When i think back, i was annoyed and frustrated most of the times
when i have to repeat myself to the passengers for the 3rd time while i slow myself down in the most sarcastic manner as if talking to a toddler, ending with a pretencious smile.

Back when i was in Siem Reap, those smiles were genuiene.
It was a huge humiliation, to the imitation. Like myself.


When a fake meets a authentic = Shame


Sam, my job and the overseas experience had completely mould me into a different person and not forgettin that horrible severe discoid enczema im suffering from that almost cost me my life.


Nothing beats listening to your inner self.



The eczema that i had was so bad, that i couldnt bear looking at my own reflection in the mirror.

I see myself as a monster because i know thats how the world gonna see me.

I was petrified and lost.

"What if it never recovers? what if im scared for life? which i already am?"

I always hated my 16cm scar on my right arm.
Never had i wore anything revealing it.
Who all these negativity, i almost ended my life.
Noone knew, i knock my head against the wall.
I climb on the window. The height scares me to death literally!
Sam told me i should donate my organs if i really want to.
A statement of no help.

I went searching for that yellow form which say sth about my organs.
I took a small sip of detol.
I wanted to die, but i couldnt, if only i have some magical ways to summon a huge amount of courage to do so.

I didnt die, but i changed.
So would this blog.
Im done with trying to blog with a thesaurus.
( To some unknown that im trying to impress?)
Im done with acting like i have a lot of friends.
By going out with groups of people that i dont enjoy!
Pretending to be close, snapping pictures away to prove god knows who or what? Spend too much time on mainting my brown hair,
where i forgot i have a brain undernealth, hidden and un-used..

No more brown hair for the time being so that i
wouldnt keep screaming at my black roots.